Domestic Violence Against Men

Domestic abuse can affect anyone – including men.

In England and Wales, around 1 in 6 men will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, according to the Home Office. On average, one man a month is killed by a current or former partner.

These experiences are real. They matter. And men who are abused deserve safety, support, and to be taken seriously.

Many male victim-survivors tell us they struggled to recognise what was happening , or felt unable to speak about it. This is not because the abuse was insignificant, but because:

• Domestic abuse is still widely framed as something that “happens to women”
• Men may fear not being believed or being ridiculed
• Shame and stigma can be powerful barriers
• Some men worry they will be seen as the perpetrator rather than the victim
• Others fear losing contact with their children if they speak out

As a result, abuse against men is often under-reported, under-recognised, and under-supported.

Male victim-survivors experience abuse in:

• Heterosexual relationships
• Same-sex relationships
• Current or former partnerships
• Dating, cohabiting, or married relationships

In same-sex relationships, additional barriers may include:

• Fear of reinforcing stereotypes about LGBTQ+ relationships
• Concerns about being “outed” if they seek help
• A lack of services perceived as inclusive or safe

Abuse is not defined by gender or sexuality. It is defined by patterns of control, fear, and harm.

Male victim-survivors may experience:

• Coercive control and monitoring
• Emotional and psychological abuse
• Financial control or exploitation
• Threats involving children, housing, or reputation
• Physical violence
• Sexual abuse or coercion
• False allegations used as a form of control

When their partner is also a man, some men think it is a series of fair fights, and they are losing. They may not recognise it as abuse.

Although some men are physically larger or stronger than their partner, that does not protect them from abuse, coercive control, manipulation and gaslighting. Many men do not want to engage in physical conflict with a loved one, and even defending themselves can be misconstrued or used against them.

Abuse is about power, not strength.

It is important to be clear and honest. Domestic abuse disproportionately affects women, and women are far more likely to experience repeated abuse, severe violence, sexual violence, and domestic homicide. At the same time:

• Men do experience domestic abuse
• Men are harmed and killed by partners
• Men need specialist support and safety pathways

Recognising male victim-survivors does not undermine women’s experiences. Supporting men does not mean ignoring gendered patterns of abuse. Both truths can, and must, exist together.

Male victim-survivors often tell us they struggled with:

• Not being believed
• Being laughed at or minimised
• Being assumed to be the abuser
• Feeling they should “handle it themselves”
• A lack of visible services for men
• Fear of involving the police or courts

These barriers can delay help-seeking and increase risk.

At NCDV, we support anyone experiencing domestic abuse, regardless of gender or sexuality.

We provide:

• Free, confidential advice
• Support with civil protection orders
• Clear explanations of legal options
• Trauma-informed, non-judgemental support

You do not need to fit a stereotype.
You do not need to be certain.
You do not need to prove anything before asking for help.

If you are afraid of a partner or ex-partner, your safety matters.

Abuse thrives in silence.

Reaching out does not make you weak, unmanly, or a failure. It means you are prioritising your safety and wellbeing.

Support is available, whether you are ready to take action, or explore your options for a civil injunction.