John (not his real name) was referred to NCDV by a support group for male victims of domestic abuse. He didn’t ever think he would find himself in an abusive relationship. Growing up, he had been taught that men should be strong, protective, and resilient. When he met Sarah (not her real name), he thought he had found his perfect match. She was kind, loving, and made him feel special. But as time went on, things began to change.
At first, it was small things. Sarah would criticise his appearance or make passive-aggressive remarks about his career. He brushed it off, thinking it was just stress. But the criticism slowly escalated. She would belittle him in front of his friends, accuse him of being inadequate, and sometimes even push him or grab him in anger. Every time John would try to speak to her, she would get very tearful, apologise and promise to change, making him feel guilty for even bringing it up.
The emotional abuse continued to the point where John became withdrawn and unsure of himself. He lost touch with his friends and began feeling isolated. At work, he couldn’t concentrate; the constant emotional turmoil was exhausting him. He felt trapped. He didn’t feel able to escape the cycle of emotional manipulation and control. His confidence disappeared and he started questioning whether he was the problem, not her.
One night, things escalated. After an argument, Sarah grabbed him by the collar, shoving him into the wall. John felt the pain of the physical blow, but more than the pain, he felt humiliated. He had never imagined that his relationship would turn violent.
However, this particular incident made John realise that he needed to do something. John knew he couldn’t stay silent about the abuse any longer, but the shame he felt, of being a man in an abusive relationship made it harder for him to seek help. He worried about what his family and friends would think, especially as society often didn’t talk about male victims of domestic abuse. But his emotional and physical scars could not be ignored anymore.
John found the courage to reach out to a local support group for male victims of domestic abuse. As well as supporting John with much needed therapy and counselling, they referred him to NCDV to get a non-molestation injunction.
With the support of the local organisation and NCDV, John was able to see that he was not alone in his situation. Many men face similar struggles, but often feel shame and humiliation, as John did.
John was successful in his application for a non-molestation injunction. Knowing that he had the protection of the courts and that he had been believed, gave him the courage to leave the relationship.
Today, John is working on rebuilding his sense of self-worth. It hasn’t been easy, but he is no longer ashamed to talk about his experience. John’s story is a reminder that domestic abuse knows no gender. It can affect anyone, and seeking help is a crucial step toward regaining one’s life and dignity.