Elena (not her real name) was referred to NCDV by a concerned friend.
She told us, that at the start of her relationship with Don (not his real name), he was charming and attentive. He seemed to be a kind man who made Elena feel special. They met at a mutual friend’s wedding, and the sparks flew instantly. He listened to her stories, made her laugh, and was always there when she needed him. He made her feel seen, and for a while, Elena thought she had found her soulmate.
But soon, subtle shifts started to happen. Don would make small comments about how she dressed or the friends she saw. These comments would subtly creep into conversations. Don didn’t like it when she went out with her friends or when she made plans without consulting him first. He would sulk and not speak to her for a couple of days. At first, Elena shrugged it off, and attributed it to the fact that he wanted to spend all his time with her because he wanted to be close to her.
However, as time went on, the cracks in their relationship began to widen. Don became much more possessive. He monitored Elena’s every move, questioned her about phone calls or texts, and showed signs of jealousy when she spoke to other men, even if they were just colleagues. Elena started to feel isolated, but she didn’t want to admit that something was wrong.
Then the emotional manipulation began. Don would accuse her of not caring enough about him, of being selfish for wanting space or time with her family and friends. He would say things like, “If you really loved me, you would understand why I’m upset,” or, “Don’t you want to spend time with me?” Elena started to doubt herself. She questioned whether she was being unreasonable, and in trying to keep the peace, she would apologise, even when she wasn’t sure what she was apologising for!
One evening, after an argument about something trivial, Don’s anger erupted. The calm demeanour she was used to vanished, replaced by fury. He shouted at her, calling her names, accusing her of being disrespectful. Elena tried to leave the room, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back. The force with which he did so startled her. She had never seen him like this before, and for the first time, she feared for her safety.
The next day, he apologised profusely. He cried and promised it would never happen again. Elena, shocked at how remorseful he seemed to be, accepted his apology. But the cycle had begun. The moments of calm were now overshadowed by the tension and the fear of what might come next. The emotional and verbal abuse escalated, and every time she tried to speak up, he would manipulate her into silence, making her feel guilty for questioning him.
It wasn’t until one of Elena’s close friends noticed the bruises on her arms, hidden beneath long sleeves that she finally began to realise that what she was experiencing was abuse. Her friend, had read about NCDV in her Dr’s surgery and urged Elena to reach out to us for support in getting an injunction. Elena resisted at first. She still felt she could manage the situation. She was afraid that Don would take no notice of an injunction and felt that it could just make him worse. In any case, she was too scared to leave.
Some months later, after yet another violent outburst, Elena made the decision. She packed a small bag with clothes and essentials and left. She had nowhere to go, so she went to her friends. The next day her friend made a referral to NCDV on behalf of Elena.
Elena worked and did not meet the criteria to claim Legal Aid, so we allocated her to our Pro Bono team. They helped her apply to the civil court for a non-molestation injunction, which she successfully got.
Don did take notice of the court order and Elena was able to start to move on with her life without the fear of Don doing something to hurt her. She remains happy and settled, and is working through the trauma she experienced by attending local support groups.