Myth: If it was really abuse, I’d know.

Reality: Abuse is often gradual and confusing. Many survivors only recognise it in hindsight

Myth: It only happened occasionally.

Reality: Abuse is defined by patterns and impact, not frequency.

Myth: They’re nice most of the time.

Reality: Many abusive people can be loving, charming, or remorseful. That does not cancel out harm.

Myth: I’m too strong / too educated / too independent to be abused.

Reality: That’s what many of us believed. But abuse can happen to anyone.

Myth: I should have left sooner.

Reality: Abuse makes leaving harder. Survival is not failure.

Myth: It only counts as abuse if there’s physical violence.

Reality: Abuse includes coercive control, emotional abuse, sexual coercion, financial control, and threats. Violence is not required.

Myth: They didn’t mean it. They were stressed.

Reality: Stress does not cause abuse. Neither does alcohol or drug use, mental health conditions or other factors. These things might make someone more unpredictable, but abuse is a choice.

Myth: They apologised, so it must be over.

Reality: Apologies are often part of the abuse cycle. Behaviour matters more than words.

Myth: It’s my fault. I caused it.

Reality: No one causes another person to abuse them.

Myth: If I talk about it, everything will fall apart.

Reality: Silence protects abuse. Support protects people.

A Final Truth

If something in your relationship feels frightening, controlling, or diminishing, that feeling matters.

  • You do not need certainty to ask for help.
  • You do not need to label your experience.
  • You deserve safety, dignity, and choice.