We are hearing a lot right now about misogyny, the manosphere and the growing concern around boys and young men being pulled into harmful online spaces. But we hear far less about another part of the same problem: the way rigid, aggressive forms of masculinity also harm men and boys themselves.
When boys are taught that being “a real man” means being dominant, unemotional, sexually confident, physically tough and never vulnerable, many are left with nowhere to put fear, shame, trauma, or pain.
This matters for boys who are shy. Boys who are gentle. Boys who are gay. Boys who are gender non-conforming. Boys who have been harmed. Boys who do not recognise themselves in the narrow version of masculinity being sold to them.
It also matters when we talk to boys about violence against women and girls. Education on misogyny, consent and harmful behaviour is essential. But it must be done carefully. Some boys in the room may already be victims of abuse, sexual violence or coercion themselves. Some may be quietly carrying shame. Some may already feel unsafe because they do not fit the dominant model of boyhood.
If the message they hear is simply “boys are a risk”, rather than “harmful attitudes and abusive behaviours are the risk”, we may unintentionally silence the very boys who most need support.
The evidence is clear that women and girls are disproportionately affected by domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking. That must never be minimised. But men and boys are also victims in significant numbers.
In England and Wales, the latest figures estimate that 1.5 million men experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2025, compared with 2.2 million women. Around 162,000 males aged 16 and over experienced sexual assault, including attempts, in the same period.
These are significant minorities. They are not just footnotes.
Male sexual victimisation is also likely to be under-reported, shaped by stigma, shame, fear of disbelief, and damaging myths about masculinity. Many boys and men are still taught that victimhood is incompatible with manhood.
At policy level, this is complicated. Crimes against men and boys, including domestic abuse, sexual violence and stalking, are recognised by government. But they sit within the wider Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) strategy, supported by an explanatory note on men and boys, rather than through a dedicated UK strategy for men and boys.
That may help preserve the gendered analysis of VAWG, but it also risks leaving male victims harder to see, particularly when we already know they may be less likely to disclose.
This is not a competition. It should never be about competing harms.
Recognising male victims does not take anything away from women and girls. It strengthens a victim-centred response. It allows us to challenge misogyny and the manosphere while also asking what kind of masculinity we are offering boys in its place.
Boys need to know that strength can include empathy. Courage can include disclosure. Masculinity does not have to mean control. And being hurt does not make anyone less male, less worthy, or less deserving of protection.
There are some amazing services out there, and some truly innovative individuals working in this space, helping men and boys to speak out and seek help. We hope to see that message echoed in the classroom, because there may be boys in those lessons who have also been subjected to male abuse, violence, rape and coercion. They are victims too.
At NCDV, we have increased referrals from male applicants in recent years, but they still stand at 11%. We know there are many more men out there who could benefit from the safety and empowerment that a civil protection order can bring. If you’re a professional who works with male victim-survivors of domestic abuse, be sure to discuss this option with them. You can refer to us quickly and easily.
Charlotte Hazell-Caldwell
Head of Training & Development, NCDV