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    Domestic Violence Against Men

    Domestic Abuse Against Men

    While it is a general perception the pain of domestic abuse is something endured only by women, domestic abuse & violence against men is more commonplace than is often realised.

    Official statistics and surveys reveal what some would regard as a surprisingly high proportion of women inflict physical harm as well as emotional, psychological and coercive control over their male partner. The same is true in same-sex relationships.

    Included in a 50-item collation of the latest available statistics compiled by ManKind Initiative, an organisation which supports male victims of domestic abuse, was its own freedom of information finding that a quarter (174,733) of those reporting domestic abuse to police forces in England and Wales in 2018 were men, up from 19.0% (73,000) in 2012. The massive jump in aggregate figures is partly explained by coercive control not being a crime in 2012.

    Male victims

    The finding was mirrored in annual crime survey for England and Wales which found a quarter of all domestic abuse crimes in 2018/19 were committed against a male victim.

    In the same year 16 men died at the hands of their partner or ex-partner compared with 80 women, according to the Office of National Statistics (ONS) data.

    The crime survey’s stats also showed that 3.8% of men (equal to 786,000) and 7.5% of women (1.6m) were victims of domestic abuse in 2018/19.

    As ManKind points out: “For every three victims of domestic abuse, two will be female, one will be male.”

    That is not a stat which sits easily with the common idea of men being tough and macho. For many even the idea that there is domestic violence against men will be an eye-opener.

    Not to blame

    In its advice to male victims, ManKind says: “It is important to recognise that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone. Understand what is happening to you.

    “If you are a victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence, it is unlikely the abusive person will change their behaviour towards you. Domestic violence or domestic abuse is always about asserting power and control.”

    But with the tough, macho image in mind it is perhaps no surprise that 49% of men (compared with 19% of women) told no one they were victims of domestic abuse in the 12 months to March 2018, according to the crime survey for England and Wales.

    The proportion jumps to 59% of men who call ManKind’s helpline (01823 334244), with 70% saying they would not have rung if the helpline was not anonymous.

    Types of abuse

    The organisation reports 95% of its callers suffer emotional abuse, 68% physical, 41% psychological, 23% financial 13% coercive control and 3% sexual abuse.

    In its 50 Key Facts about Male Victims of Domestic Abuse, Mankind refers to academic research into why men stay in abusive relationships. The main reason is concern about the children (89%), followed by considering marriage is for life (81%), love (71%), fear of never seeing their children again (68%), a belief she will change (56%), lack of money (53%), nowhere to go (52%), embarrassment (52%), not wanting to take their children away from their mother (46%), threats she will kill herself (28%) and a fear she will kill him (24%).

    There also appears to be an unwillingness by men to suspect ‘their woman’ will turn violent against him: only 3% of applications made to police forces in 2017 under the Domestic Abuse Disclosure Scheme (Clare’s Law) were by men.

    Coercive Control

    Related to the issue of domestic violence against men is coercive control. A survey of 2,003 adults in late-2018 by West London solicitors IBB found an equal portion of men and women (34%) saying they had experienced being in a coercive or controlling relationship.

    Behaviours recorded included 30% men (23% women) suspected their partner of spying on them; 29% men (22% women) saying their partner monitored or controlled spending; 27% men (20% women) had a partner who intentionally destroyed possessions or deleted important emails or texts; 24% men (14% women) had a partner who hid or took away their phone, tablet or computer; and 24% men (11% women) had a partner who deprived or limited their intake of food.

    Yet 48% of men who responded said they did nothing about it, compared with 33% of the women.

    Gay men

    As for gay men, 3.2% said they suffered from partner abuse in 2018/19. Related figures from the national crime survey of England and Wales were 3.3% for bi-sexual men, 2.8% for heterosexual men, 7.6% for lesbian women, 9.1% for bisexual women and 5.6% for heterosexual women.


    Stepping back a year, the 2017/18 crime survey came up with the finding that 32% of male victims of domestic abuse and 23% of women suffered a physical injury, while 11% male victims and 7.2% women had tried to take their own lives – a dark side to domestic violence against men.

    Women convicted

    Based on answers to Parliamentary questions, ManKind noted convictions of women perpetrating domestic abuse has increased six-fold in the 15 years to 2018/19: up from 806 in 2004/05 to 4,599 (a 74% conviction rate). In 2018/19, a total of 55,486 men were convicted of domestic abuse-related offences (a 77% conviction rate).

    Gender Neutral

    Finally, it is all too easy to become prejudiced with this emotional issue and see one gender as the other’s victim. But ManKind says: “We are gender inclusive in our view, so we want all female victims (and their children) to escape too.”

    And Rights of Women, which helps female victims, states in the introduction to its legal guidance: “Sexual violence and domestic abuse is most commonly perpetrated by men against women … However, we recognise that this is not always the case and that domestic abuse and sexual violence can and does occur in same-sex relationships and, in a minority of cases, by women against men. Our legal guidance relates equally to all survivors.”

    Get Help Today

    The ManKind Initiative offers support to male victims, to enable them and any children to escape from the domestic abuse. The charity, which is funded by donations from the public, runs a national helpline with a trained team providing practical advice, information, signposting and emotional support to victims or concerned friends, family members and work colleagues.

    ManKind offers a one-day training course and other support services for professionals who support men enduring domestic abuse.

    For confidential help, male victims of domestic abuse should call: 01823 334244

    Further information is available on ManKind’s website.

    By Fiona Bawden, Times Online (8th May 2007)

    “Steve Connor, a student at City Law School, is a man on a mission. Six years ago he was a fairly directionless 27-year-old. Today, as well as taking the Bar Vocational Course, he is chairman of the National Centre for Domestic Violence, a ground-breaking organisation that he dragged into existence after a friend could not get legal help to protect her from an abusive partner.

    Connor’s route to the Bar has been circuitous. In 2001 he returned from a year in Australia (he says that he would not dignify describing it as a gap year), and took a job as a process server in South London. The job (“I just saw it advertised in the paper”) was not quite as dull as it sounds. On one occasion he was threatened with a machete, on another, he was nearly stabbed by a man he had arranged to meet on Clapham Common to serve with a non-molestation order: “He’d seemed really friendly on the phone…”

    The turning point in his life came when a friend, who was being abused by her partner, turned to him for support. Connor went with her to the police. She did not want to press criminal charges so the police suggested that she visit a solicitor to take out a civil injunction. “We must have seen 12 solicitors in a morning. We just went from one to the next to the next to the next. Everyone was very eager to help until we sat down to fill in the forms for the legal aid means test,” he says. The woman, who had a small child, did not qualify for public funding. But, Connor says, her financial situation as it appeared on paper did not bear any relation to her financial situation in reality. “She had a part-time job and she and her partner owned their home. Yet she didn’t have any money. Her boyfriend was very controlling and controlled all the money; he kept the chequebooks and didn’t let her have access to the bank account.”

    The injustice of the situation got under Connor’s skin. “I just couldn’t believe that there was no help available to people who did not qualify for public funds but could not afford to pay.

    I just kept feeling that this must be able to be sorted if only someone would address it.”That “someone” turned out to be him.

    In 2002, thanks entirely to Connor’s doggedness, the London Centre for Domestic Violence was formed. It started out with him and a friend, but is now a national organisation, covering 27 counties, and has helped approximately 10,000 victims last year to take out injunctions against their partners.

    NCDV now has nine full-time staff, 12 permanent volunteers and has trained over 5000 law and other students as McKenzie Friends to accompany unrepresented victims into court. We have also trained over 8000 police officers in civil remedies available regarding domestic violence. The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) has branches in London, Guildford and Manchester and is on track to have branches in 16 areas within the next two years.

    NCDV specialises exclusively in domestic violence work and could be characterised as a cross between McDonald’s and Claims Direct. The high degree of specialisation means that its processes are streamlined: clients can be seen quickly and the work is done speedily and cheaply. “Sometimes, we will have one of our trained McKenzie Friends at a court doing 10 applications in one day,” Connor says.

    Clients are not charged for the service. NCDV staff take an initial statement: clients who qualify for legal aid are referred to a local firm; those that don’t get free help from the centre itself. It runs on a shoestring, heavily reliant on volunteers and capping staff salaries at £18,000 a year.

    Steve expects to qualify as a barrister this summer and hopes that having a formal legal qualification will give the centre added clout. “We are already acknowledged as experts and consulted at a high level, so I thought it would be helpful if I could back that up by being able to say I’m a barrister,” he says. He is just about to complete a one-year full-time BVC course at the City Law School (formerly the Inns of Court Law School) and, all being well, should be called to the Bar in July. Although Connor sees his long-term future as a barrister, he says that he has no immediate plans to practise. “I want to get NCDV running on a fully national level. Then I may take a step back and have a career at the Bar.”