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Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality.
Everyone has the human right to live in safety and free from violence and abuse. Society has a duty to recognise and defend this right.
It is only later [in the relationship], when the door to your home is locked, that you really start to learn what power and control look and feel like. That is when you learn that ‘I’ll always look after you,’ ‘I’ll never let you go,’ and ‘You’re mine for life’ can sound menacing, and are used as a warning over and over again.
Domestic abuse blights lives. It can destroy lives, and not just the life of the immediate victim but of the children and other family members as well.
It is up to all of us to make sure that we are doing everything we can to make clear to our society and to the public the horrific nature of domestic abuse, the impact it has on people’s lives and the need for us as a society to say, ‘Stop it’.
It [coercive control and domestic violence] is characterised by silence, silence from those that suffer, silence from those around them, and silence from those who perpetrate abuse. This silence is corrosive: it leaves women, children and men carrying the burden of shame. It prevents them from speaking out about the abuse and it prevents them from getting help. And at its worst it can be fatal.
The campaign to end domestic violence needs the voices of men as well as women, challenging the cultural, economic and political context in which we all experience the world.
Domestic abuse will never end until we make it socially unacceptable
No one should live in fear. It is not acceptable, not inevitable, and together, we can make it stop.
It [domestic abuse] starts slowly: a few emotional knocks, alternated with romantic gushes and promises of everlasting love, which leave you reeling, confused, spinning around in an ever-changing but always hyper-alert state, not knowing what mood or message awaits you.
This [domestic abuse] is not something that simply takes place behind closed doors and that others can ignore; it is something that affects us all. It affects our economy, it affects our society, and it affects our young people as they are growing up.
They are some of the bravest people I have ever met.
We must bring this taboo subject out in the open and talk about it.
It’s easy to minimise your actions. Maybe you think what you’ve done isn’t that bad. Maybe you’re making excuses ... Maybe you’re feeling guilty or ashamed of how you’ve behaved. It can hurt to admit that what you’ve done is not okay. But by doing so and choosing to change, you’re taking responsibility for your actions, and are on the road to change.
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