Rethinking the Narrative: Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Through a Patriarchal Lens
Male victims of domestic abuse are too often overlooked, misunderstood or expected to stay silent. Breaking the Cycle is a six-part series of blogs written by our Training Team Manager, Julia Gatie. In them she challenges the myths, explores the stigma men face, and reinforces one vital message: anyone can experience abuse, and everyone deserves support.
This forth blog discusses how the patriarchal structures present in society have, and continue to harm men as well as women.
Rethinking the Narrative: Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Through a Patriarchal Lens
In traditional feminist theory, domestic abuse can be understood through the concept of patriarchy, a system in which men, as a group, hold power over women. This framework has been central in shaping awareness, policy, and support systems over decades, and it has been instrumental in highlighting the inequalities faced by women.
But as awareness grows around male victims of domestic abuse, an important question emerges:
What happens when we view male victimhood through a patriarchal lens?
The answer is not simple, but it is revealing.
Understanding the Patriarchal Framework
The patriarchal model argues that domestic abuse is rooted in:
- Power imbalances between men and women
- Social norms that position men as dominant and women as subordinate
- Gendered expectations around control, authority, and entitlement
This framework has been critical in explaining patterns such as:
- Higher rates of severe violence against women
- Gendered forms of coercive control
- Structural inequalities that affect women’s ability to leave
However, like any framework, it does not fully capture every experience.
Where Male Victims Fit into This Picture
At first glance, male victimhood seems to challenge the patriarchal model. If men, as a group, hold societal power, how can they also be victims within domestic settings?
But looking more closely, the picture becomes clearer. Patriarchy does not give equal power to all men in all situations. Domestic abuse is not simply about societal hierarchy, it is about individual relationships, control, and vulnerability.
Within a private relationship or family dynamic:
- A man may have less emotional, psychological, or situational power
- He may be subject to coercive control, manipulation, or violence
- He may be unable to leave due to stigma, fear, or dependency
In these contexts, power is situational and not purely structural.
Patriarchy as a Barrier for Male Victims
Rather than contradicting patriarchy, male victimhood can actually highlight one of its unintended consequences.
Traditional patriarchal norms often dictate that men should be:
- Strong
- Emotionally resilient
- In control
- Self-reliant
These expectations can make it significantly harder for men to:
- Recognise themselves as victims
- Admit vulnerability
- Seek help or support
In this sense, patriarchy does not just shape perpetrators. It can also silence victims.
The “Invisible Victim” Problem
Because domestic abuse has historically been framed as something men do to women, male victims may be:
- Overlooked in research and media narratives
- Less likely to be identified by professionals
- Less visible in support systems
This creates what we might call an “invisibility gap” not because male victims do not exist, but because our frameworks have not always been designed to see them.
Power: Not Just Gender, But Context
A key insight that emerges from this discussion is that power operates at multiple levels:
- Societal (structural): Gender inequalities, cultural norms
- Relational (individual): Dynamics within a specific relationship
- Personal (psychological): Confidence, dependency, trauma history
While patriarchy helps explain structural patterns, domestic abuse often plays out in the relational and personal levels, where power can shift in less predictable ways.
Toward a More Inclusive Understanding
Recognising male victims does not require abandoning the patriarchal framework, but it does require expanding it.
A more inclusive approach acknowledges that:
- Gender plays a role, but it is not the only factor
- Abuse is fundamentally about control and harm, not identity alone
- Different groups may experience abuse in different ways, with different barriers
This allows for a more complete and balanced understanding, one that supports all victims without minimising anyone’s experiences.
Why This Matters
If we rely too rigidly on a single framework, we risk:
- Missing victims who do not fit the expected profile
- Reinforcing stigma for those who already feel overlooked
- Limiting the effectiveness of support services
By broadening our perspective, we can:
- Improve identification of male victims
- Reduce barriers to reporting
- Create more inclusive support systems
Final Thoughts
Viewing male victimhood through a patriarchal lens does not weaken the conversation about domestic abuse, it deepens it and shows us that:
- Systems of power affect everyone, but not always in the same way
- Gender expectations can harm both women and men
- Abuse is ultimately about control within relationships, not just hierarchy within society
The real challenge is not choosing one perspective over another but bringing them together to better understand the full picture. Because only when we see all victims clearly can we truly begin to support them.
National Services
If you are a man affected by domestic abuse, please reach out for help and support:
- For an emergency injunction contact NCDV – 0800 970 2070 or Text “NCDV” to 60777
- Men’s Advice Line – 0808 801 0327 https://mensadviceline.org.uk/
- Mankind Initiative – 0808 800 1170 https://mankind.org.uk/
- Live Fear Free Helpline (Wales) – 0808 8010 800 https://www.gov.wales/live-fear-free
- LGBTQ+ Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0800 999 5428 https://www.galop.org.uk/helpline
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
