Domestic Abuse Myths
Myth: If it was really abuse, I’d know.
Reality: Abuse is often gradual and confusing. Many survivors only recognise it in hindsight
Myth: It only happened occasionally.
Reality: Abuse is defined by patterns and impact, not frequency.
Myth: They’re nice most of the time.
Reality: Many abusive people can be loving, charming, or remorseful. That does not cancel out harm.
Myth: I’m too strong / too educated / too independent to be abused.
Reality: That’s what many of us believed. But abuse can happen to anyone.
Myth: I should have left sooner.
Reality: Abuse makes leaving harder. Survival is not failure.
Myth: It only counts as abuse if there’s physical violence.
Reality: Abuse includes coercive control, emotional abuse, sexual coercion, financial control, and threats. Violence is not required.
Myth: They didn’t mean it. They were stressed.
Reality: Stress does not cause abuse. Neither does alcohol or drug use, mental health conditions or other factors. These things might make someone more unpredictable, but abuse is a choice.
Myth: They apologised, so it must be over.
Reality: Apologies are often part of the abuse cycle. Behaviour matters more than words.
Myth: It’s my fault. I caused it.
Reality: No one causes another person to abuse them.
Myth: If I talk about it, everything will fall apart.
Reality: Silence protects abuse. Support protects people.
A Final Truth
If something in your relationship feels frightening, controlling, or diminishing, that feeling matters.
- You do not need certainty to ask for help.
- You do not need to label your experience.
- You deserve safety, dignity, and choice.
