What is Romance Fraud?
Also known as Romance Fraud, Romance Baiting and Online Dating Romance Scams, they are a form of online fraud where a criminal sets up an attractive profile on social media or dating app with the aim of grooming and convincing another person into believing they are in an intimate, exclusive relationship with them. The sole reason for doing this is to obtain money from that person, with the scammer going to great lengths to build a bond and gain that person’s trust. Requests for money are not made straight away but often come later when the person is groomed so the request and reason for the money seem plausible to the victim and alarm is not raised. The reasons can be emotionally charged such as needing an operation for themselves/relatives or they are unable to access funds, have an investment opportunity, etc.
“I fell madly in love with him. I did think it was strange he didn’t want to video call, but he said his camera wasn’t working. It didn’t enter my head that my lovely, wonderful boyfriend wasn’t real.”
When did Romance Scams start?
Romance scams online are relatively new, starting around 2007 and have their roots in other mass marketing frauds via postal mail such as charity scams, advance fee scams, foreign lotteries and sweepstakes. Before the internet, men were usually targeted via ads in adult magazines where they believed they were in a relationship with an attractive woman and would be conned out of money. As you can imagine, it was a crime that was as under-reported then as it is now, and with the internet, many more people are targeted. It is estimated each year millions of people are victims of financial deception internationally.
Who experiences Romance Scams and what are its effects on the person?
Anyone is vulnerable, they can affect any age, gender or sexuality with people being financial victims or non-financial victims. Those at most risk are single, heterosexual women between the ages of 25 and 54 with disposable income, with fake relationships lasting a couple of months to years. After realisation, the person scammed often experiences shame, humiliation and upset (which can deter them from reporting the crime) and grieves the loss of the relationship with the scammer which they had emotionally investing in and was their ideal. Sometimes knowing they were a victim of a scam doesn’t end there, some refuse to believe the love wasn’t real, they chase the scammer and end up in a second wave of the scam when the criminal says they also have feelings for them. Given online dating is more prevalent today with many searching a partner in this way, romance scams are increasing. Financial losses have been found to range between £50 and £800,000 with the median being between £1000 to £10,000 and can be received at various times during the scam.
“I felt so stupid. A stupid old woman. It affected my mental health a lot, actually. I still feel depressed.”
Links to Domestic Abuse.
With the person being scammed believing they are in a serious relationship with the scammer many grooming and controlling tactics used are similar to the warning signs of domestic abuse, such as the declaration of love in the first few weeks (also known as love bombing). Another feature is the scammer isolating the person from family and friends by requesting certain aspects of the relationship stay private, with statements such as, ‘Let’s keep it between ourselves’, ‘They wouldn’t understand’, ‘If you loved me you would…’ type of language, used to decrease suspicion from others. There are also shared aspects to financial abuse with the victim coerced into taking loans out, getting into debt, remortgaging the house, etc.
Throughout the scam, the victim is emotionally invested. They want the relationship to work and to ultimately see the person face to face, which is often the aim of giving money to the scammer. They want to believe it will be soon and the scammer uses this to their advantage.
“I feel broken. Just broken. He took everything from me.”
How to beat the scammers?
Forewarned is forearmed. Be wary of sending money or personal details or documents to anyone you have not met in person. Insist on meeting the person within a month after initial contact, anyone who finds reasons not to, simply deny them relationship exclusivity and consider other potential dates. Conduct an internet search of the online persona such as ‘reverse image searches’ and other types of online searches based on addresses, telephone numbers, personal details, etc. Speak to family and friends for advice. Knowing the structure of such a scam can be helpful and raise red flags when encountered. The profile may be attractive and too good to be true, whether they contact you or you contact them.
During the grooming process, there may be love bombing, early declarations of love despite not meeting face to face, requests taking messaging away from the dating app, sending gifts, and making promises regarding the future. The scammer will use a variety of techniques to build rapport and trust. Requests for money, can start at any point and be small or large amounts and can often be crisis-led or simply seeing if you would give them money or provide personal details. Be aware of manipulative statements such as, ‘You would if you loved me’, ‘I thought you wanted us to be together’, ‘This for our future’ etc. Also, isolation techniques include ‘don’t mention it to anyone’, ‘our secret’, ‘we will keep this between ourselves’, etc. Sexual abuse can also happen, not in all cases but has been evident in some, such as requests for sexual content using a webcam.
Further information and ways to report romance scams can be found via Action Fraud Romance fraud | Action Fraud
Julia Gatie – Training Manager (Northern England), NCDV
(Victim quotes used with permission)