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    Romance Fraud – The ultimate mind game, when your emotional and financial abuser doesn’t even exist

    Reading Time: 4 minutes

    Romance Fraud – The ultimate mind game, when your emotional and financial abuser doesn’t even exist

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    What is Romance Fraud?

    Also known as Romance Fraud, Romance Baiting and Online Dating Romance Scams, they are a form of online fraud where a criminal sets up an attractive profile on social media or dating app with the aim of grooming and convincing another person into believing they are in an intimate, exclusive relationship with them. The sole reason for doing this is to obtain money from that person, with the scammer going to great lengths to build a bond and gain that person’s trust. Requests for money are not made straight away but often come later when the person is groomed so the request and reason for the money seem plausible to the victim and alarm is not raised. The reasons can be emotionally charged such as needing an operation for themselves/relatives or they are unable to access funds, have an investment opportunity, etc.

    “I fell madly in love with him. I did think it was strange he didn’t want to video call, but he said his camera wasn’t working. It didn’t enter my head that my lovely, wonderful boyfriend wasn’t real.”

    When did Romance Scams start?

    Romance scams online are relatively new, starting around 2007 and have their roots in other mass marketing frauds via postal mail such as charity scams, advance fee scams, foreign lotteries and sweepstakes. Before the internet, men were usually targeted via ads in adult magazines where they believed they were in a relationship with an attractive woman and would be conned out of money. As you can imagine, it was a crime that was as under-reported then as it is now, and with the internet, many more people are targeted. It is estimated each year millions of people are victims of financial deception internationally.

    Who experiences Romance Scams and what are its effects on the person?

    Anyone is vulnerable, they can affect any age, gender or sexuality with people being financial victims or non-financial victims. Those at most risk are single, heterosexual women between the ages of 25 and 54 with disposable income, with fake relationships lasting a couple of months to years. After realisation, the person scammed often experiences shame, humiliation and upset (which can deter them from reporting the crime) and grieves the loss of the relationship with the scammer which they had emotionally investing in and was their ideal. Sometimes knowing they were a victim of a scam doesn’t end there, some refuse to believe the love wasn’t real, they chase the scammer and end up in a second wave of the scam when the criminal says they also have feelings for them. Given online dating is more prevalent today with many searching a partner in this way, romance scams are increasing. Financial losses have been found to range between £50 and £800,000 with the median being between £1000 to £10,000 and can be received at various times during the scam.

    “I felt so stupid. A stupid old woman. It affected my mental health a lot, actually. I still feel depressed.”

    Links to Domestic Abuse.

    With the person being scammed believing they are in a serious relationship with the scammer many grooming and controlling tactics used are similar to the warning signs of domestic abuse, such as the declaration of love in the first few weeks (also known as love bombing). Another feature is the scammer isolating the person from family and friends by requesting certain aspects of the relationship stay private, with statements such as, ‘Let’s keep it between ourselves’, ‘They wouldn’t understand’, ‘If you loved me you would…’ type of language, used to decrease suspicion from others. There are also shared aspects to financial abuse with the victim coerced into taking loans out, getting into debt, remortgaging the house, etc.

    Throughout the scam, the victim is emotionally invested. They want the relationship to work and to ultimately see the person face to face, which is often the aim of giving money to the scammer. They want to believe it will be soon and the scammer uses this to their advantage.

    “I feel broken. Just broken. He took everything from me.”

    How to beat the scammers?

    Forewarned is forearmed. Be wary of sending money or personal details or documents to anyone you have not met in person. Insist on meeting the person within a month after initial contact, anyone who finds reasons not to, simply deny them relationship exclusivity and consider other potential dates. Conduct an internet search of the online persona such as ‘reverse image searches’ and other types of online searches based on addresses, telephone numbers, personal details, etc. Speak to family and friends for advice. Knowing the structure of such a scam can be helpful and raise red flags when encountered. The profile may be attractive and too good to be true, whether they contact you or you contact them.

    During the grooming process, there may be love bombing, early declarations of love despite not meeting face to face, requests taking messaging away from the dating app, sending gifts, and making promises regarding the future. The scammer will use a variety of techniques to build rapport and trust. Requests for money, can start at any point and be small or large amounts and can often be crisis-led or simply seeing if you would give them money or provide personal details. Be aware of manipulative statements such as, ‘You would if you loved me’, ‘I thought you wanted us to be together’, ‘This for our future’ etc. Also, isolation techniques include ‘don’t mention it to anyone’, ‘our secret’, ‘we will keep this between ourselves’, etc. Sexual abuse can also happen, not in all cases but has been evident in some, such as requests for sexual content using a webcam.

    Further information and ways to report romance scams can be found via Action Fraud Romance fraud | Action Fraud

    Julia Gatie – Training Manager (Northern England), NCDV

     (Victim quotes used with permission)

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    By Fiona Bawden, Times Online (8th May 2007)

    “Steve Connor, a student at City Law School, is a man on a mission. Six years ago he was a fairly directionless 27-year-old. Today, as well as taking the Bar Vocational Course, he is chairman of the National Centre for Domestic Violence, a ground-breaking organisation that he dragged into existence after a friend could not get legal help to protect her from an abusive partner.

    Connor’s route to the Bar has been circuitous. In 2001 he returned from a year in Australia (he says that he would not dignify describing it as a gap year), and took a job as a process server in South London. The job (“I just saw it advertised in the paper”) was not quite as dull as it sounds. On one occasion he was threatened with a machete, on another, he was nearly stabbed by a man he had arranged to meet on Clapham Common to serve with a non-molestation order: “He’d seemed really friendly on the phone…”

    The turning point in his life came when a friend, who was being abused by her partner, turned to him for support. Connor went with her to the police. She did not want to press criminal charges so the police suggested that she visit a solicitor to take out a civil injunction. “We must have seen 12 solicitors in a morning. We just went from one to the next to the next to the next. Everyone was very eager to help until we sat down to fill in the forms for the legal aid means test,” he says. The woman, who had a small child, did not qualify for public funding. But, Connor says, her financial situation as it appeared on paper did not bear any relation to her financial situation in reality. “She had a part-time job and she and her partner owned their home. Yet she didn’t have any money. Her boyfriend was very controlling and controlled all the money; he kept the chequebooks and didn’t let her have access to the bank account.”

    The injustice of the situation got under Connor’s skin. “I just couldn’t believe that there was no help available to people who did not qualify for public funds but could not afford to pay.

    I just kept feeling that this must be able to be sorted if only someone would address it.”That “someone” turned out to be him.

    In 2002, thanks entirely to Connor’s doggedness, the London Centre for Domestic Violence was formed. It started out with him and a friend, but is now a national organisation, covering 27 counties, and has helped approximately 10,000 victims last year to take out injunctions against their partners.

    NCDV now has nine full-time staff, 12 permanent volunteers and has trained over 5000 law and other students as McKenzie Friends to accompany unrepresented victims into court. We have also trained over 8000 police officers in civil remedies available regarding domestic violence. The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) has branches in London, Guildford and Manchester and is on track to have branches in 16 areas within the next two years.

    NCDV specialises exclusively in domestic violence work and could be characterised as a cross between McDonald’s and Claims Direct. The high degree of specialisation means that its processes are streamlined: clients can be seen quickly and the work is done speedily and cheaply. “Sometimes, we will have one of our trained McKenzie Friends at a court doing 10 applications in one day,” Connor says.

    Clients are not charged for the service. NCDV staff take an initial statement: clients who qualify for legal aid are referred to a local firm; those that don’t get free help from the centre itself. It runs on a shoestring, heavily reliant on volunteers and capping staff salaries at £18,000 a year.

    Steve expects to qualify as a barrister this summer and hopes that having a formal legal qualification will give the centre added clout. “We are already acknowledged as experts and consulted at a high level, so I thought it would be helpful if I could back that up by being able to say I’m a barrister,” he says. He is just about to complete a one-year full-time BVC course at the City Law School (formerly the Inns of Court Law School) and, all being well, should be called to the Bar in July. Although Connor sees his long-term future as a barrister, he says that he has no immediate plans to practise. “I want to get NCDV running on a fully national level. Then I may take a step back and have a career at the Bar.”