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This time, let’s prepare not despair

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This time, let’s prepare not despair

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Sadly, it’s inevitable, another complete lockdown is on the horizon. Whether it takes the form of localised restrictions or the much-debated national circuit breaker approach remains to be seen. Either way, soon, many or all of us may be spending most of our time within our own four walls. Lockdown as we all know, brings with it inevitable strains on our relationships which is why this time we should try to prepare ourselves.

Here at NCDV,  we saw a large increase in calls and referrals 3 months into the first lockdown, right at the end of the most severe restrictions, which indicated to me that at least some of these cases were probably people at their wit’s end, taking out their frustrations on each other.

We all need to take our learnings from the first lockdown, whether that be the need for routine, exercise, mindfulness…whatever got you through! But we should also look at what we need to do to preserve our usually healthy, loving relationships.

It is entirely normal that we feel anxious about ever-changing events beyond our control which fundamentally change our lives – but there is never an excuse for abuse.

The breakdown of a normally healthy relationship due to stress from lockdown is combatable. Taking the time to talk, understand and empathise with each other’s individual stresses and strains (although we are all in the same storm, our boats are all different) can help strengthen our relationships.

We are proud to be working with Lucy Power. Lucy is a leading Conscious Success Coach who is trained and experienced in Transactional Analysis Psychotherapy. Lucy has some valuable advice for us all:

“It’s always important to take care of yourself. It’s also important to remember you’re not an island. However, including your partner in meeting your needs during times of stress and confusion can get complex when old and unresolved issues can be stirred up and evidently in the mix.

How about informally contracting with them now about how the two of you (and also the wider family) will support yourselves and each other in the event of a further lockdown. How about being explicit about what you want need and expect, saying what you mean and meaning what you say so that in the event, you have a plan, a way of being that’s responsive rather than reactionary. We are all scared of the unknown, this is utterly normal. Let’s make the unknowable a little more predictable with some planning together about how we can be in our worlds in the event of further restrictions. “

You’ll be hearing more from Lucy in the coming weeks and months but if you want to learn more have a look at her website.

In the meantime, I urge you to value your relationships, value yourself and value the future.

Mark Groves CEO

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Reading Time: 2 minutes
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Fiona Bawden, Times Online (8th May 2007)

“Steve Connor, a student at City Law School, is a man on a mission. Six years ago he was a fairly directionless 27-year-old. Today, as well as taking the Bar Vocational Course, he is chairman of the National Centre for Domestic Violence, a ground-breaking organisation that he dragged into existence after a friend could not get legal help to protect her from an abusive partner.

Connor’s route to the Bar has been circuitous. In 2001 he returned from a year in Australia (he says that he would not dignify describing it as a gap year), and took a job as a process server in South London. The job (“I just saw it advertised in the paper”) was not quite as dull as it sounds. On one occasion he was threatened with a machete, on another, he was nearly stabbed by a man he had arranged to meet on Clapham Common to serve with a non-molestation order: “He’d seemed really friendly on the phone…”

The turning point in his life came when a friend, who was being abused by her partner, turned to him for support. Connor went with her to the police. She did not want to press criminal charges so the police suggested that she visit a solicitor to take out a civil injunction. “We must have seen 12 solicitors in a morning. We just went from one to the next to the next to the next. Everyone was very eager to help until we sat down to fill in the forms for the legal aid means test,” he says. The woman, who had a small child, did not qualify for public funding. But, Connor says, her financial situation as it appeared on paper did not bear any relation to her financial situation in reality. “She had a part-time job and she and her partner owned their home. Yet she didn’t have any money. Her boyfriend was very controlling and controlled all the money; he kept the chequebooks and didn’t let her have access to the bank account.”

The injustice of the situation got under Connor’s skin. “I just couldn’t believe that there was no help available to people who did not qualify for public funds but could not afford to pay.

I just kept feeling that this must be able to be sorted if only someone would address it.”That “someone” turned out to be him.

In 2002, thanks entirely to Connor’s doggedness, the London Centre for Domestic Violence was formed. It started out with him and a friend, but is now a national organisation, covering 27 counties, and has helped approximately 10,000 victims last year to take out injunctions against their partners.

NCDV now has nine full-time staff, 12 permanent volunteers and has trained over 5000 law and other students as McKenzie Friends to accompany unrepresented victims into court. We have also trained over 8000 police officers in civil remedies available regarding domestic violence. The National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) has branches in London, Guildford and Manchester and is on track to have branches in 16 areas within the next two years.

NCDV specialises exclusively in domestic violence work and could be characterised as a cross between McDonald’s and Claims Direct. The high degree of specialisation means that its processes are streamlined: clients can be seen quickly and the work is done speedily and cheaply. “Sometimes, we will have one of our trained McKenzie Friends at a court doing 10 applications in one day,” Connor says.

Clients are not charged for the service. NCDV staff take an initial statement: clients who qualify for legal aid are referred to a local firm; those that don’t get free help from the centre itself. It runs on a shoestring, heavily reliant on volunteers and capping staff salaries at £18,000 a year.

Steve expects to qualify as a barrister this summer and hopes that having a formal legal qualification will give the centre added clout. “We are already acknowledged as experts and consulted at a high level, so I thought it would be helpful if I could back that up by being able to say I’m a barrister,” he says. He is just about to complete a one-year full-time BVC course at the City Law School (formerly the Inns of Court Law School) and, all being well, should be called to the Bar in July. Although Connor sees his long-term future as a barrister, he says that he has no immediate plans to practise. “I want to get NCDV running on a fully national level. Then I may take a step back and have a career at the Bar.”