Love Bombers just love Valentine’s Day!
It gives them the perfect excuse to indulge in their favourite pastime of pulling you into a web of fantasy – making you believe they are your perfect partner. In this article, people who got caught up in an abusive relationship recall how it all began with over-the-top romantic gestures on their first Valentine’s Day together.
“When the delivery van pulled up outside, I was excited that he’d sent me flowers. I had no idea the whole van was filled with them, and they were all for me.” (Sadie)
Love Bombers like making grand gestures, designed to flatter you and make you feel like the most special person in the world. How lucky you are, to be showered with all of this attention. But it’s always a good idea to keep your feet on the ground until you get to know someone really well.
“He sent a giant teddy bear and helium balloons to my place of work. I was a little embarrassed, to be honest, but I thought it was a sweet gesture and he was just over-enthusiastic.” (Karen)
Love Bombers love to wine and dine you, to make you feel like the only person on earth. This explosion of attention creates a smokescreen so it’s easy to miss red flags and ignore those subtle warning signs.
“I decided to tell him I didn’t want to continue seeing him, but he presented me with a gold bracelet. I felt awful, but I refused the gift and told him how I felt. The very next day he began a systematic campaign of stalking, which went on for two years.” (Shaz)
Abusers don’t usually continue Love Bombing once they have you in their grasp, although it is sometimes used again when they’ve hurt you physically or emotionally and want to be forgiven.
“Every time I thought about ending the relationship, it’s like she sensed it somehow. I would come home to my favourite meal and candles on the table. She would shower me with love for a few days and it totally confused me.” (Ben)
Many of us like to make a romantic gesture now and then, to make our partners feel special and remind them how much we care. After all, Valentine’s Day is meant to be for lovers. Just remember to keep your head, keep your perspective, and be aware that some people use the day tactically to flatter and overwhelm you. With any new partner, it’s always a good idea to look for red flags in amongst the roses.
National Training Manager, NCDV