Some very crucial questions to ask yourself include:
Fear is a major tactic used by the abuser to establish exactly who is boss. He uses control and manipulation simultaneously to go to work on his victim. Ultimately, his aim is to ensure that eventually his victim is systematically worn down over time. This could be over a short period of time like a sprint race, or over a longer time frame like a marathon instead.
As the victim is worked on, someone who was once so confident, full of life and all its promise, becomes notably dull, lifeless, jumpy, full of fear, with little or no sense of self-worth or esteem. Fear of not wanting to upset the apple cart and the abuser, becomes their new motivation and drive in life. It is unfortunately a lost cause. The abuser is never satisfied and hardly ever impressed, because he becomes the expert at the art of continually moving the goal posts. Soon the victim is jumping through every hoop imaginable, but all to no avail because she can never truly know exactly what he actually expects from her!
Often at first (when the relationship is new fresh), the abuser pursues the victim relentlessly refusing to take no for an answer, (all in the name of love of course). Soon the promises he made start to get broken, and he is no longer Mr nice guy (the one you fell in love with)! Before long you start to see disturbing signs as he becomes pushy, and continuously ignores and forces his way past the boundaries you try to set.
His controlling behaviour cannot hide forever, and his true colours are revealed soon enough. As a result, the man who could not do enough for you, becomes the man who refuses to lift a finger to help you, even when the children come along!
Sure enough, he starts to push you around in front of the kids, and the fact that you may be holding one of them in your arms at the time, makes no difference to him at all! Anything and everything sets him off, and nothing you do pleases him.
He gets upset when the kids cry. He even resorts to accusing you of loving the baby more than you love him. This is all about control, and he just loves and gets a kick out of seeing fear in your eyes!
It is important for you to know and accept that he will often stop at nothing to break you down. As far as he is concerned, you are his woman and therefore belong to him. The questions in his mind are and always will be, “how dare you even consider having a life without his say so, or worse without him?”
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